What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
