Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
