Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
