Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
