Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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