I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A bitchslap is in order.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
