Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
