They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
