Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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