Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
