so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
