$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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