i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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