At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
