I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
