So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
