dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
