I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
