I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
