Where is the hickey?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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