trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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