my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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