Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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