Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
