Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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