that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
