Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
