Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
