So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
