its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
