Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
