evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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