he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
