Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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