Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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