My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
