I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
sex in a hospital.. check
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
