I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
