nut hugger
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
