saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
