Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
