I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
