i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I touched a dick in church today
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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