it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
