He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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