Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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