So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
