Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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