I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I am spending my child support on dildos
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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