FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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