I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
