did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
